Breasts Staring Increases the Lifespan of Men (a researched finding)

(as printed in The Star, Saturday 5th December 2009, page N52)

Yup! Finally, we men have proof now (and a good documented reason) whenever we men are caught ogling or staring or mezmerised by a woman's chest or buxom or breasts or...hehehe...I'm just getting a wee bit excited now.

A German reseach that was published in the New England Journal of Medicine (yup, this journal really does exist) showed that men who stare or ogle or watch with fascination (there I go again getting excited..hahaha) at woman's breasts for at least 10 minutes a day is equivalent to a 30 minute gym workout. Damn! I always knew there was a better way to get fit rather than going to the gym, but on the other hand, the gym is the place to be , if you know what I mean..hehehe (again, excuse me..excitement = me).

 This kid will have a long life. He is starting young. Lucky boy.

The research team had spent 5 years doing research on 200 men. Results showed that men staring at women's breasts have lower blood pressure, suffer less cardiovascular diseases and slower heart rate. The head researcher, Dr. Karen Weatherby (a lady some more!) says that sexual desire ensured better blood circulation and led to better health.

I have a few questions for this Dr. Weatherby. They are as follows:

1. Why wasn't I inform about this research? I would've gladly be one of the 200 participants. I even pay you to get in.
   
2. Do the breasts need to be covered or not covered? In any ways, I am happy.
   
3. Does the size of the boobs influence how long or longer your lifespan will be? I need to know this. Its a matter of life or death damnit!
4. So, I need to this everyday? (Refer to the picture below)

I need to do this 30-minutes a day? I'll do it another 30 if it helps me live longer

(no boobs were harmed during the posting of this article)